Lost Moments
by iheartShules
Summary: Reese comes over to Carter's apartment for a little comfort, but when things turn a little hot he runs. But Carter isn't about to let him run for long. 1st installment to the Moments series
1. Chapter 1

This was crazy she needed to go get her head examined. It was the only explanation as to why she was having such thoughts about a man that was nothing more then a killer. Albeit a killer that saved her life, and saved her son's life but a killer nonetheless. But here she was sitting in her lonely ass apartment holding a glass of wine thinking about those piercing blue eyes, and that sexy voice of his. John Reese was getting to her, and she wasn't happy about it. She was a damned NYPD police detective, and yet she was risking her career, and freedom for a man that gave her little reason too. But she couldn't even really blame it all on Reese because she had no one to blame but herself. John Reese didn't twist her arm in fooling the CIA agents, or the FBI nope she did that all on her own. She did it because even though he was a killer at some point in his life he was doing good now. He was saving people that would most assuredly have perished had himself, and that Finch character not taken great strides in saving them. Now she was working with them to protect the innocent that would be overlooked. She just didn't understand how they knew what was going to happen, but she was starting to learn to trust in them which scared the hell out of her.

Joss Carter didn't trust easily nor did she trust many, but damned if she didn't trust that blasted man with those big baby blues, and cute smirk. She cursed herself for even romanticizing the man in any way. There wasn't anything cute about John Reese. He was a hundred percent all hard man, and fucking hot. She reserved only times when she was alone to even allow herself to admit that she found Reese unbelievably attractive. She hadn't been with a man in a very long time nor had the notion to even date a man been on her mind for a very long time. But she needed to get laid because if she was going to think about Reese constantly it meant that she needed a guy, and needed him bad.

She sipped her wine closing her eyes as the stress began to fade away. Her mind wandered thinking about what type of lover Reese would make. No doubt he would be a skilled lover taking great care to pleasure his woman before thinking of himself. But Reese didn't appear to her as a man that gave up control easily, and most likely he was the one that called the shots in bed. Well if he was in her bed she'd call the shots, and force that quiet and stoic man to lose that precious hold he had on control. He looked like a man that needed some ruffling up someone to surprise him. She sighed her mind slowly peeling piece after piece of clothing off of him knowing that she would find a body of a scarred Adonis beneath those damn dress pants, and dress shirt. She could already hear that sexy moan he would give when she licked a trail down the wide expanse of his chest pausing slightly to suck at his flat and dark nipples. Joss opened her eyes groaning as her wandering mind was falling quickly into the gutter. _Damn that bastard_!

Joss nearly dropped her wineglass when she heard the sound of a knock at her door. She forced herself up, and off the couch making her way over to the door. She peeked through the peephole, and cursed under her breath opening the door glaring at the man that had been currently starring in her slowly becoming erotic daydream.

"What do you want?"

"Do I have to have a reason to come visit you?" he asked standing before her in his long black trench coat that hung open showing off his white dress shirt, and a dark blue blazer. She really needed to tell him he needed to loosen up. She'd bet he would look stunning in a pair of jeans especially that ass of his.

"With you yeah. You never just drop by for no reason Reese so what do you want, and might I remind you that today is my day off." She stared at him sizing him up. She narrowed her eyes realizing something was off with him. It was his eyes they were red rimmed as if he had been crying.

"I sorry to have disturbed you." he went to turn around, but she reached out without thinking and grabbed his arm. He paused turning just his head to look at her, and there it was again the look of exhausted vulnerability. Something was up with him, and she wanted to know what it was now!

"Get your ass in here." she snapped.

"With that offer how can one refuse." he said quietly but made no real attempt at entering her apartment. She sighed, why was everything a fight with this man?

"Look Reese you came here for something, and I'm sorry I just jumped to the conclusion of you wanting me to work, but usually that's why you're here."

"I know. Like I said I am sorry to have intruded on your day off I'll leave."

"And I said get your ass in here Reese before I have to haul it in myself."

"Promises." he half smiled and she blinked was that his way of flirting? She shook her head she was just allowing her daydream to get to her. She stepped back, and he entered allowing her to shut the door with him inside. She locked up. Taylor was hanging out with his friend at his house, and wouldn't be home till tomorrow. She was glad her kid had a good friend like that since she was always working. She eyed Reese from behind he just stood in the foyer of her apartment like he didn't know what to do with himself. This guy was a puzzle.

"You know you can take your jacket off, and actually enter my apartment." she half laughed as she walked around him putting her wineglass down on the end table nearest the couch and to Reese. He looked down at her even though she was a tall woman he towered over. Making her feel small and most definitely feminine. She rolled her eyes when he just looked at her unsure of what to do, and she took pity on the social inept man. She walked around him reaching up to his shoulders pulling down his trench coat, and taking a nice look at his broad back, and butt. She inwardly sighed as she turned to hang his coat up on the coat hook on the back of the door on top of her own dark colored peacoat. "I could pour you some wine, or I have beer if you want."

"Beer would be preferable." she nodded walking to the adjoining kitchen where she could still view Reese who was giving her apartment a general once over as if he was observing it for danger. She pulled out a beer bottle, and snapped the cap off exiting back into the living room where he hadn't moved an inch. She handed him the beer. She motioned for them to sit on the couch and he did so first. Joss grabbed her glass of wine, and sat down beside him. They sat in silence she eyed with him quietly as she sipped her wine. She smacked her hand against her thigh.

"What's going on Reese?" she asked not beating around the bush. She was tired of just going through the motions pretending that he came here for a social get together. He was anything but social. He looked over to her, and he had that pained expression on his face again making the detective in her suspicious while the woman in her wanted to comfort him.

"Do you ever think about the moments you've lost because of what you chose to do, or chose to be?" he asked quietly, and her trained eyes could see the tension in his shoulders.

"Sometimes, but I don't dwell on that stuff John. What ifs can kill ya." she spoke after taking a moment to get her thoughts together. He turned those blue eyes on her once more, and she saw the shadows that were always in them but they seemed more pronounced. He was raw, and exposed and he had come to her for comfort. _Joss don't do this to yourself, don't start thinking about everything he's been through or you'll be trouble._

"Carter, do you ever wish you've chosen to do something else, and not become who you are today?"

She stared at him for a moment before putting her wineglass down. "I never wished I've done something different even when I made mistakes. I learnt from them, and every mistake or error I made makes me a better person today. So to answer your question no I never wished to change a thing about myself."

"I see."

"Well maybe I wish I had a slimmer waistline, and a bigger bust." she chuckled eyeing her modest bust, and average waist.

"You're perfect the way you are Carter." she felt her insides twist as they were skating on thin ice. Men shouldn't say things like that without meaning them, but she knew without a doubt this man never spoke anything but the truth. _Ignore it _her mind screamed.

"What's making you think about this? What happened?"

"It was nothing I shouldn't have bothered you." he set the beer bottle having barely drank any onto the coffee table that sat in front of her couch. He went to stand up, and she shook her head tsking at him putting a hand on his shoulder pushing downward. She knew as well as he did that he could easily stand up, but he allowed himself to be pushed back down onto the cushions. His whole body was tense. He wasn't ready to tell her what was wrong, but she had an idea of something that could help relax him. She sighed she just hoped like hell that she could handle it, and keep her damn libido in check. She quietly stood up sliding her hand down to his grabbing it tugging. He had an inquisitive look in his eyes, but he allowed himself to be pulled into a standing position, and then tugged to the hallway.

"What are you doing Carter?"

"I haven't seen anyone as damned tense as you are John, and you need to loosen up a little before you snap." she said as she flicked the light on as they entered her bedroom. He stopped and she nearly ripped her arm off as she was getting used to tugging him, but found him immobile. She turned to look back at him. He had a look on his face causing her to smile. "I am not going to molest you or something. You can enter my bedroom I have only pure intentions." his blue eyes if possible grew even brighter, and bluer then before.

"Are you sure?" he asked as if it was a let down and she chuckled.

"Positive." he entered her room further, but cautiously causing her to chuckle. He appeared to be still suspicious as to why he was in her room in the first place, but he said nothing more as she disappeared into the bathroom connected to her bedroom. She reappeared, and watched him with laughter as he was fidgeting a bit like he was nervous. She liked unbalancing this man a bit. She threw a white towel at him he caught it in his right hand eyeing it perplexed. "Now get naked." she grinned walking back towards the bathroom shutting it leaving it slightly ajar

"No looking." he called out.

"You wish." she answered back, but had her face plastered to the door watching him as he shucked off first his blazer, then his shirt, and followed close behind those pants that were hiding his hot bod. She fanned herself a bit, her teeth digging into her lip trying desperately not to moan as her eyes traced every bit of his body especially his nice package encased in tight ass black boxer-briefs. _Drop them oh come on baby drop those boxer briefs_ her mind chanted. She felt fire rocket down her spine arrowing towards her sex as his hands went under the elastic of his underwear pushing them down. Now hot damn that man was equipped with a nice dick. She grinned not at all ashamed she was ogling, and taking full advantage of this moment. She sighed in sadness when he wrapped the towel around his hips hiding his nice and thick cock from view.

"Okay now I'm naked, but in a towel now what?" he called out clearly unused to be told orders. She grinned loving the fact that she was in control of him right now.

"Lay face down on my bed." she called out huskily hating that she was breathless from his little striptease.

"What's the matter with your voice Carter, cat got your tongue?" her cheeks burned as she realized he had known she was watching him the entire time. She didn't respond afraid of what she might say, so instead she opened the small cabinet pulling out her lotion, and oil. She pushed the door open, and was grateful he had listened to her, and was laying face down on the bed. Joss stared at him as he laid on the bed his head pillowed by his arms. Her eyes looked at the nice rump encased in the white terrycloth towel. She forced her increasingly turned on body to simmer down. She wasn't going to have sex with Reese she was just going to give him a massage. She walked over purposely throwing the lotion, and oil beside him on the bed slowly climbing on. She lifted her left leg over him and settled herself onto his butt. Joss stopped herself from moaning when her sex that was becoming wetter, and wetter as the more turned on she got was pressed intimately against his nice ass.

"When was the last time you had a massage John?" she asked quietly. He chuckled softly.

"A very long time ago." she didn't doubt that at all. The man was the epitome of tense, but it went along with the job she supposed.

"Well its been a very long time for me to give a massage so bare with me." she whispered in his ear as she leaned down, and she gasped a little when her hard nipples pressed into his back. She prayed she would be able to control herself as she grabbed the oil, and sat back up shifting feeling a spike of heat scissor inside her. She squirted some of the cool oil in her hand, and she rubbed her hands together to warm it up before bringing it to his skin. She closed her eyes as he moaned. Oh shit this was a bad idea a really bad idea, but for some reason she couldn't stop herself. She slowly began kneading his tight muscles at his shoulders first. Slowly ever so slowly she felt the tension in them begin to fade. The tight muscles she worked harder, and then gently rubbed and soothed his skin. His skin was hot, and smooth to the touch. He was like a drug the more she touched him the more she needed too.

Joss began running her hands down along the curvature of his spine dipping briefly beneath the towel just to slowly run back up. She did that numerous times as she felt him relax beneath her. _Okay stop now Joss he's relaxed_, but she didn't she moved down onto his upper thighs, and loosened the knot at his waist until it gave way.

"Carter?"

"Hmmmm?" she half sighed half moaned reaching her fingertips now beneath the loose material. Her hands brushing his buttocks.

"I think we should stop." was his voice now breathy or was it just her? Stopping was beyond her she couldn't, no she wouldn't stop.

"I think you have more muscles that need to be massaged." she purred feeling her entire body crackle alive as her hands became more bold as she dipped her hands lower, and lower then before. She was then massaging, and kneading his ass and he was loving it by the way of his soft moans were escaping him. His ass felt good in her hands, but she forced her hands to stop grabbing those incredible cheeks as she climbed off of him, and began massaging the backs of his thighs, down to his calves. "Rollover John." This time he turned only his head to look at her, and she could easily see the desire for her in them.

"I think the massage is over I should be leaving."

"Rollover John, or I'll roll you over myself."

"I'd love to see you try." he cocked a brow. Joss loved a challenge. She grabbed his left arm and used all her might, and shoved she knew he was allowing her once again to have her way. He was flat on his back looking up at her, and she stared unceremoniously at where the towel was tented upwards barely covering him. "I'm a man Joss." he said quietly. "And you are a very beautiful woman that was touching me in ways a woman hasn't in a very long time." she grinned as she finally peeled her unhealthy stare from between his legs to up to his beautiful eyes. She lifted her leg, and straddled him again her eyes closing as she moaned feeling his erection pressing into her core. Oh god it had been such a long time since she felt a man's penis there. She gave an involuntary shudder, and a gentle roll of her hips.

"John." she stared down at him as he stared up at her.

"This can't happen." he whispered.

"Why?" she put her hands down onto the bed on either side of his head.

"Because." she chuckled bringing her mouth close to his.

"Now that's a good reason, it suspiciously sounds like my kid's reasoning when he was just a boy." she nipped at his chin. She could feel him tensing against her.

"I don't want to hurt you."

"You won't."

"You're right I won't because this is done." he snapped pushing her off of him. She sat on the bed staring at him as he threw the towel on the floor giving her a nice full unadulterated view of his ass. He began pulling his underwear, and pants on then it clicked in her brain he was leaving. She immediately got to her feet as he began yanking his shirt on.

"Damn it John what's the big deal we are both adults here?!" she demanded as she got in his face. She hadn't planned on having sex with him, but he was the first man she was attracted too. Her entire body felt like it was on fire and they didn't even have foreplay yet. His eyes snapped to hers and she saw desire in them for her, but also something else that was going to out win the desire he had for her.

"You're a very desirable woman Detective Carter you'll find another adult." he went to grab his blazer but she grabbed it first.

"Oh I will huh. Well newsflash you stupid dumbass I want you." there she said. She wanted him. She admitted it out loud, and to the man himself. His mouth opened slightly his eyes widened just a little, but then the emotions were shuddered behind a mask. His eyes looked blank as he stared at her. He snatched his blazer out of her hands. He quietly sat down, and began putting his socks and shoes back on.

"I do not deserve you."

"Oh fuck that I hate when men say that. _You deserve better, or you deserve more_. How the hell would you know what I deserve John?" she growled standing in front of him, and when he went to stand up she shoved at his shoulders to sit his ass back down. But this time he wasn't in the mood to let her win he used his power to stand anyways, and was once more towering over her.

"I know that you deserve a good man not a man like me."

"I _get _to decide whose right for me, and whose not its my life John." she snapped reaching up pulling his head down slamming her lips against his. It was like her body was made for his. All the oxygen fled from her brain, and it shut down as he kissed her back. She moaned as her arms wrapped around his neck feeling indescribable emotions fill her as the kiss raged hot, and passionate. His tongue licked at her lips seeking entrance, and she wasn't about to deny him. His hands grasped tightly at her hips as he pulled her flush against him his erection pressing into her belly. She moaned as his tongue explored the inner recesses of her mouth. His tongue then touched hers, and it was like liquid fire tearing through her as her panties grew even wetter. She couldn't get enough of his mouth. Her hands disappeared into his hair, and when it seemed like oxygen became abundantly clear that they needed it that was when the kiss ended. They both were drawing ragged breaths in as they stared at each other. "Stay John." she whispered licking her lips loving his taste on hers. His mouth tasted like beer, and mint.

"I can't." he shuddered pushing her away from him, and rushed past her. It took her a moment to realize he was still going to run even after that kiss, and she wasn't about to make it that damn easy on him. He was walking stealthily, and quickly towards the front door unlocking it.

"You talked about losing moments, and choosing to do something different. Well John do something different right now, and take a damn chance. _Let me in_." she demanded using all her might shoving the door shut when he went to open it. He turned just his head and stared at her. The vulnerability was back in his eyes, and she knew she wasn't going to win.

"I'll call you when we need your help with our next person of interest." he said as his eyes were once more emotionless. He shoved her hand off the wooden door grabbing his trench coat off the hook opening the door, and disappearing through it. She slammed the door behind him leaning against the door. If he thought that was the end of what just happened he was in for a rude awakening!


	2. Chapter 2

Carter stood against the door her chest heaving. Half of her was so pissed off at Reese that she wanted to kick his ass while the other half of her was so turned on to the point she wanted to cuff him to the bed, and have her filthy way with him. Both sounded like viable options right now. Maybe she'd screw his brains out, and then promptly kick his ass afterwards. She exhaled roughly angry with herself. What was the matter with her?! What did this man do to her well organized life? She had been any normal NYPD homicide detective with a minimal love life. Now she was somewhat rogue where she lived in a gray area of the law without actually breaking it, and she wanted to jump a mysterious man's bones! She closed her eyes shaking her head wondering if this was a good idea or not, but who the hell cared. She grabbed her jacket yanking it on knowing how fast he could escape, and she wasn't about to allow him to just vanish without more of a fight. She traveled the flight of stairs quickly seeing the door to her apartment complex just now shutting knowing it was him. She picked up her pace running to that same door pushing out into the night's sky, and cool air. She looked to her right first and saw no one, but when she looked to her left she saw him walking slowly, but purposefully down the street.

"You're a coward!" she shouted wondering if picking a fight with him was a really a smart idea. His body immediately stopped. The word coward and Reese didn't go together, however, in this respect it did. She knew without a doubt that Reese would walk into any hell to save somebody putting his own life on the line without showing an ounce of hesitation or fear. But when it came to emotions, and trusting people he was a damned coward! It was alright for her to learn to trust him, but he couldn't do the same. She wasn't one to back down from anything nor was she one to give up easily. Quitting wasn't in her vocabulary, and she suspected Reese knew it which left her no doubt that he was going to avoid her. She just needed a plan of action a strategy to work herself around his defenses.

"Detective Carter I suggest you turn around, and go back into your apartment to enjoy the rest of your night off. I am sorry to have bothered you."

"Join me." she walked towards him. Her body still hummed with frustration, and a need that only this man would be able to satisfy. "Or are you afraid?" she asked with bite to her words. His expression didn't change nor did his stance. She allowed her eyes to take a slow look over his body knowing he was still as aroused as she was.

"Are you trying to anger me Detective?"

"No I'm just calling it like I see. I'm not the one running away now am I?"

"Is that what you think I'm doing?"

"You telling me you're not? You came by my apartment for some comfort, and I still don't know what for."

"It was a momentary lapse in judgment."

"You never have a lapse in judgment John. You do everything with a purpose. So you came by my apartment for something, and I think I know what it is."

"Oh you do, do you?"

"Yeah its because you know what used to work doesn't. Drinking away your pain doesn't work John."

"How would you know about my pain?"

"I know more then you think I do." she stated not about to tell him everything that she learned about Jessica, or that she had kept the picture of him when he had been happier. "And we both know that you came to my apartment because you needed to know you weren't alone anymore."

"I will always be alone it's the way I want it."

"No it's the way you think you deserve. You are punishing yourself for some reason, and if its because of Jessica you couldn't save her John!" Carter watched as he stepped forward, and anger radiated out of him.

"I will not ask you again Carter to go inside I am done speaking about this. I don't want you." he growled.

"A coward, and a liar too." she snorted knowing she was pushing his buttons his blue eyes were blazing with anger, and she loved it.

"Do not push me Carter." his voice was low, but instead of scaring her as he probably hoped it would it turned her on. She wanted to awaken the man beneath his almost robot like veneer. He tried to be emotionless, and tried to keep everyone at arms length, but she saw the glimpses to the man underneath. She saw the man beneath that was suffering, and needing redemption for what she wasn't sure. She just wanted to be there for him like he had been there for her.

"John if you are going to say you don't want someone you might not want them to have felt your erection because otherwise you'll always be called a damned liar." she snapped going to turn around, but he grabbed her arm in a tight grip. Had it been any other man she would have grown uneasy, but not with him. He was trying to intimidate her, but it wasn't working. Instead she found herself growing more aroused with each passing moment.

"What do you want from me?"

"I think its pretty obvious what we both want John, but do you have the guts to go for it? You say you are not good enough for me, but that's how you feel not me. I'm not saying we will have a happy ever after, but its worth a chance I think. I haven't been this attracted to a man since Taylor's father. Sex hasn't been on my mind for years, and then you come along you make me angry, hot, and confused all mixed in one."

"You know absolutely nothing about me Joss. If you knew everything you wouldn't want me you'd find me repulsive."

"How do you know when you won't give me a chance to know you? I have a hard time trusting in anyone but I trust you John, and your little oddball friend Finch." she said eyeing the street around them to make sure no one was listening to them. It was deserted, however, and she grabbed his hand that gripped her arm.

"I am not this good man that you think I am. I've done things that I can never be forgiven for."

"Lets go back to my apartment where we can speak privately." he dropped her arm his blue eyes glittering even in the night sky showing just how vulnerable he was at the moment. "I promise to behave myself." she added trying to cajole him inside. He chuckled softly shaking his head at her.

"I don't think it's a good idea." his breathy whisper sent shivers up and down her spine.

"Please John I want to understand, and we can't talk openly out here." she decided honesty was the best policy. He nodded his head curtly walking with her back towards her apartment complex.

* * *

John stood in her tiny apartment feeling like he was a caged animal as he forced himself to stand still. Okay this was his second mistake tonight he should have just kept walking, but she had angered him. He was just trying to do the right thing. He lost that part of himself that could get close to a woman a long time ago. It had died along with Jessica, and the numerous people he killed. All that he once knew about himself was gone, and no woman that was decent and good like Detective Joss Carter should be touched by a man like him.

"You know you could take your coat off, and relax a little. You are undoing all my hard work on your tense shoulders." he looked away. The massage had relaxed his tense shoulders all of five minutes after which his body had tightened up again as his arousal grew. Her soft hands had caressed his body that hadn't received a woman's touch in years causing him to want more and more. She sat down on the couch once more patting the couch cushion beside her. "Sit." he moved further in the room, but he remained standing. "Okay don't sit I don't care. You can't make me not want you." he felt a ghost of a smile tug on his lips. He admired how she could get straight to the point.

"You don't know anything about me Joss."

"You said that already, and as I said before you won't _LET _me know anything about you. You better get to talking if you want to convince me this isn't going to work between us. I need more to go on then I deserve better."

"I am not this good man that you think I am."

"I never said you were a good man now did I?" he narrowed his eyes on her.

"So you'd sleep with a killer. I doubt that."

"Are you a killer?"

"I was once."

"But not anymore."

"What does it matter? I killed people."

"Bad people?"

"Some, but not all. I killed good people. Decent, and good just like you Carter." she nodded her head, but she didn't seem fazed by his slight confession.

"You know everything you've just said I already know John. I'm not dumb, and I don't appreciate you treating me like I am." he blinked at her wondering how could she think that? Never in a million years would he ever believe Joss Carter to be dumb.

"I never thought that about you Carter." she snorted shaking her head at him.

"You are treating me like I'm a child, and like I can't make decisions for myself. So how should I take it?"

"I am just trying to spare you some pain Carter."

"So you're protecting me from yourself is that it?" she stood up. He watched her as she stepped directly in front of him.

"Its all I can offer, and its all that's left of me." he wished she would just listen to him for once instead of always arguing with him. Usually he liked that about her, but right now it was starting to piss him off.

"I don't believe that."

"I don't care what you believe Carter I lost the good side of me a _long_ time ago!" he snapped at her.

"No you didn't. You just buried it because you don't want to feel anything. You are punishing yourself because you're alive, and she's not!" he stepped closer to her growing angry at her at how close to the truth she really was.

"She saved lives, and I ended them! I should be dead not her."

"But you're not John. You feel guilty."

"Carter stop." his voice was low, and held a warning.

"You feel guilty for being attracted to me, and its killing you."

"I said stop." he grabbed her arm angrily.

"No you stop John." she reached up touching his face, and he jerked away from her like she scalded him. "You're not this monster you think you are."

"Yes I am!" he rounded on her angry deciding to show her just what a monster he was. He grabbed her to him pressing her flush against him kissing her roughly, angrily. His teeth sunk in her lower lip hard earning a sharp gasp from her, and he took the opportunity to thrust his tongue deep into her mouth. He pinned her to him using his power, and dominance over her as he felt her body rubbing against his, and she no doubt could feel his erection that was pressing into her belly. He kissed her brutally, but it became evident that she wasn't even trying to get away from him in fear like he wanted. But instead she was sighing into his mouth kissing him back almost as furiously as he was kissing her. His anger filled kiss soon melted into something entirely different. His lips gentled against hers, and his grip on her loosened. His hands got lost in hair as their mouths fused together as his tongue took teasing sweeps across her lips before slowly slipping in to caress her tongue with his. Her soft gasps filled his ears, but he was losing himself in the touch, and her kiss.

He walked her backwards bumping her back into the wall bumping the entertainment center tearing his mouth from hers breathing heavily. Her arms were wrapped around his neck while he had his hands pressed to either side of her head against the wall. She leaned forward, and kissed his cheek. "Stop thinking John. Just feel for once allow yourself to feel again." she whispered dragging her mouth down the column of his neck just to run her tongue back up. He shivered at the touch.

"Joss…" but she shook her head pressing a finger to his lips.

"I'm not asking for forever John. I'm not even asking for tomorrow. But just for tonight I'm not a NYPD detective hell bent on justice, and you aren't John Reese a brooding vigilante with a past that's trying to destroy him. We are just a man and a woman attracted to one another, and we'll go from there." he hadn't been with a woman since Jessica he hadn't wanted a woman since her. But he damned well wanted Joss Carter. In his mind he knew this was wrong, but right now his body didn't seem to care too much. He was aroused, and needed her too much to walk away again even if he knew it was for the best. He moaned softly to himself as he bent his head kissing her again needing it more then his next breath. He pushed away from her, and she just stared at him waiting to see what he was going to do. His eyes stayed on hers as he shrugged his jacket off.

"I can only offer tonight Joss." he trembled hating how vulnerable he felt right now. He wished it gone, but even though he wanted to mask his pain he couldn't. He felt open, and exposed to her.

"I'll take it." she smiled. He watched her as she pushed away from the wall, and sauntered over to him. His eyes followed her every movement. She wrapped her arms around his neck bringing his head back down but she didn't go to kiss him, but instead brought his ear towards her mouth. "_for now_." she whispered huskily into his ear before reaching down grabbing his hand, and began tugging him towards her bedroom for the second time tonight.

* * *

Author's note: *peeks around* no one is going to hurt me for not getting to the good stuff right? I promise next chapter has the goods =P and you won't have to wait a week for the next update either! I hope you enjoyed the teasing, and I might even make another story to go along with this one who knows that's if you guys end up liking this one lol. But anyways thanks for all the wonderful reviews, and stuff you guys rock, and its much appreciated!


	3. Chapter 3

Joss stared at him as she gently tugged John into her room only pausing to turn the light on wanting to see everything. She felt nervous, and excited at the same time. She had sex before in her life, but for some reason this right now right here felt different. It felt like she was a virgin all over again. His blue eyes caressed her face as if memorizing it, and their hands linked together was their only touch. She needed more. Joss reached up to his broad shoulders gently pushing his charcoal colored suit jacket to the floor. She never broke eye contact as she began slowly unbuttoning his shirt. His lips slowly curved in a small smile as he kicked his shoes then socks off, and she followed with her own slippers.

She had gotten half of his shirt undone when he leaned down brushing his soft lips against hers, and she fumbled with the last few buttons abandoning them to wrap her arms around his neck as he deepened the kiss. She sighed when the backs of her knees hit the edge of her mattress, and she immediately climbed on with John following her never breaking the kiss. He stretched out on top of her, and she welcomed the weight spreading her legs apart to feel him nestle himself between them exactly where she wanted him to be. She moaned when he moved just a bit pressing his erection more fully against her his tongue slipping between her open lips caressing hers. Her hands slid down his body, and grabbed his nice ass. He broke the kiss to sit back on his haunches.

"Where the hell do you think you're going?" she demanded sitting up with him. He wasn't about to leave again, or she would kill him! His lips lifted into another smile, but instead of answering her he slowly finished unbuttoning his shirt so he could shrug it off leaving his stark white t-shirt that hid his incredible bod from her view. She smiled as she reached for the hem of her own t-shirt lifting it up, and off of her throwing it with the growing pile of clothing. She hid a smile at the look on his face as his gaze was at her light pink lacy bra. "John get rid of your damn shirt!" he blinked rapidly as if coming out of a trance so she reached yanking his shirt up and over his head. She sighed. This was different from earlier. She was getting to touch him as a lover rather then just as a friend trying to relax him. She shoved him till he laid on his back staring up at her.

"This feels like déjà vu." he chuckled when she lifted her right leg to straddle him. Her eyes shut at the feeling of him pressing at her once again. She was going to explore every inch of his body regardless if it was going to kill her. Her body was overheating as it was, and she loved nothing more then rid herself, and him of the rest of their clothing so they could sate each other's bodies. But she might never get another chance to be with him, and she was going to take full advantage of tonight. She began running her fingertips across his body again much like earlier, but this time she followed her trail with her mouth. He felt rigid beneath her, and his erection was hard and straining between her legs. When her fingers brushed over a gunshot scar she watched him silently as she traced the scar with his tongue. He shuddered beneath her as she repeated the action with each scar she found on his body. Tears burned at the backs of her eyes knowing she was the cause of one of these newer scars.

"I'm so sorry John." she whispered kissing her way back up his wide expanse of his chest to slowly kiss his mouth. He pushed back staring up at her questioningly. "For being the one that gave you one of these new scars."

"Stop." he quickly rolled them over, and she found herself pinned beneath him. "They knew what to say to get what they wanted."

"But I…" she didn't get to finish the rest of her words because he was kissing her passionately again. His mouth was hard, but yet gentle at the same time. His fingers skimmed down, and brushed the sides of her breasts causing her to gasp into his mouth. He pulled back leaning his forehead against hers staring into her eyes.

"May I?"

"Hmmmm?" her body felt like it was burning alive. Between her legs felt hot, wet, and throbbing madly for him. She didn't know what he was asking all cognitive thoughts were slowly but surely fading. He slipped a finger down her sternum between the valley of her breasts, but never touched her where her body craved him.

"May I?" he repeated. She nodded her head wondering how he could ever think he was a monster. He was asking permission to touch her. Maybe things he's done in his past were bad, but he wasn't a monster. Instead he was a man with a deep seeded pain that was trying to destroy him. Tonight she was going to teach him that fundamental difference because she was going to show him it was alright to feel again. She couldn't force the word out so she just shook her head yes if he didn't touch her soon she was going to die from anticipation. He slowly lowered his hands and gently cupped her breasts, and his thumbs rubbed across her nipples through the fabric. She sighed leaning her head back against her pillows, and arching her back so she could press herself more in his hands. She needed this bra off. Joss leaned upwards sighing when her breasts filled his hands more, and she reached around her back unclasping her bra allowing it to loosen.

John stopped touching her for only the briefest moment to throw her bra to the floor, and his hands resumed touching her. "Beautiful." he whispered as his thumbs were taking great care brushing her hardened nipples while his palms cupped her. His mouth was now at her neck softly kissing her. She felt him do a figure eight with his tongue just where her neck connected to her shoulder, and her entire body shivered at the contact. Shit it was like he was intuned with her body as if he knew she loved that. Her hands landed on his hard shoulder blades moaning his name as he pinched her nipples hard between his thumbs and index fingers.

He nibbled his way back up her neck, stopping to kiss her for a moment then began kissing, and licking his way back down. Her hands fell into his short hair loving the softness to it. His tongue trailed a wet line to one breast. He swirled his tongue around the areola teasingly making her moan, and clench his hair tightly in her grasp her nails digging into his scalp. The bastard had the nerve to chuckle against her, and she was about to yell at him when he finally brushed not once but twice her nipple with his tongue. Her back arched high off the bed his name was a sigh from her lips as he kept up the almost playful way he was nipping at her breast.

"John please." she moaned for him to stop teasing her when he sat back a bit just to kiss his way over to her other breast. John seemed to sense she needed more as his licked, then sucked hard on her other nipple while pinching hard at the abandoned one that had just received the glorious touch of his mouth. She wrapped her legs around his waist grinding up into him as he gently bit down on her hardened peak. Her hands skimmed down his body between her legs, and began deftly unbuttoning his pants needing to get into them almost as she needed to breathe.

"Stop Joss wait." he moaned his hands stopping her.

"No." it became a struggle to get into his pants his hands trying to stop hers while hers tried to push his out of the way. But he was stronger then she was he grabbed both of her hands, and pinned them above her head with just one of his. He skimmed his other hand down her body causing fire to spike wherever he touched. "John." she tugged at her hands feeling him tighten his hold on them. He smiled down at her while his free hand ran from her one hip across her flat belly to her other hip. She tugged harder wishing she could take him by surprise, but his hold was like a death grip. Joss lifted her hips off the bed arching them high into his pelvis eliciting a moan from him as she ground into his hardness. "Damn it John I want to touch you too."

"Joss I don't have any protection." he whispered near her ear. "So tonight is just for you." she closed her eyes as his tongue licked at her earlobe, and then he gently tugged on it with his teeth while his free hand began undoing her jeans. Her breath caught in her throat when she felt her waistband loosen and the distinct sound of her zipper being lowered. But what he said finally made it through her passion filled foggy brain.

"John, as much as I appreciate the thought I-oh…" she stopped on a moan when he sneaked his hand into her jeans under the elastic of her panties. The tips of his fingers were slowly making their way to where she needed him the most. "…I have protection." she forced out as her body jerked as another moan escaped her when she felt him touch her intimately. His teasing touch stopped as he stared down at her blinking.

"You have protection?"

"Yes, my friend-" she stopped as she gasped struggling to regulate her breathing. "-got me condoms for my birthday saying I needed a sex life." she felt like she was dying with his hand resting just above where she was throbbing for him. "In the nightstand." he withdrew his hand from between her legs and she wanted to groan in protest, but she felt his hand against hers loosen as he was reaching over, and she took her advantage. She tugged her hands free rolling them over pinning his hands above his head. He stared up at her with a wicked smile.

"You know I can easily overtake you Joss."

"I know but that's why you are going to willingly let me put my cuffs on you." she said using all her might, and power at holding his hands down to the bed. His eyes darkened. "_please_." she whispered in his ear. He nodded his head curtly, and she quietly grabbed the cuffs locking the first hand then wrapped the pair of bracelets around the wooden headboard finally to cuff his other hand. "Thank you John for trusting in me." she whispered pausing to reward him by kissing the stuffing out of him. She pushed back eyeing him from her perch on top of him.

"Joss…" he tugged on the cuffs slightly as if trying to see if he could get out of them, and she knew without a doubt he could. But he wouldn't. She watched him with soft eyes knowing he didn't like not being in control, but gave in to her just this once which made her feel amazing inside. She leaned over, and opened the draw on her nightstand quickly rummaging through it to find the box of condoms. She pulled them out holding them up as if they were a prize.

"I definitely have to remember to thank my friend for these."

"Joss when will you uncuff me?" he was already squirming in the hold.

She put the condoms on the bed next to them. "Not until I have some fun of my own, and knowing you I won't get to have my fill of touching your delectable body." she grinned. "Am I right its all about me? You'd touch me make me crazy with need, but the moment that comes for me to touch you to reciprocate is the moment you take me making me forget I never got to touch or caress you?" she whispered her own words causing the ache between her legs to intensify. Having him inside her sounded like heaven, but she wanted so much more then John pleasuring her. She wanted to pleasure him too. Tonight was for them both, and she was determined to make him need her as much as she needed him.

"Joss." his tone was a warning but she didn't care nor listen.

"Answer me John.

"Joss I can't…" he paused his blue eyes glittering up at her. His expression that was normally masked wasn't. He wasn't used to letting go as if it was foreign concept to him. She, however, couldn't let him out of the cuffs just yet even if his soulful blue eyes plead with her. His actions were always controlled never doing anything before thinking about it first. Well she wanted him to just react, to feel, and not think.

"You can't what John?" she asked conversationally as she leaned down brushing her mouth against his stubble lined chin. She felt him tug against the cuffs again, but didn't answer her. "You can't lose control?" she whispered before capturing his mouth with hers. She leaned down her breasts rubbing at his bare chest gasping into his mouth loving the feel of his skin touching her own. She broke the kiss to pepper butterfly kisses across his cheek then gently tugging on his earlobe earning a sigh out of him. She eased herself off of him standing beside the bed. She eyed him as she pushed her jeans down her hips, and kicked them off standing in her pale pink panties. His eyes followed staring at each inch of exposed skin she showed him. Her panties felt soaked, but she wasn't about to end the nice exploration of his body. She had plenty of him left to kiss, and love. Her eyes zeroed in on his crotch where his dress pants were tented upwards.

"Time to let him out to play." she chuckled climbing back on the bed he groaned staring at her as she crawled towards him. He flung his head back onto her pillow.

"Damn Joss you are killing me." his stomach muscles bunched as she slid just her fingers under the waistband of his dress pants to unbutton them.

"Good."

"Now will you uncuff me you had your fun."

"No."

"JOSS!" he growled and she grinned as he wrenched his hands hard against the cuffs. She loved angering him knowing that she was the one in control until she let him out of his cuffs. She wanted him to act on his instinct, and if that meant pissing him off while she took enjoyment in pleasuring him then so be it.

"If you're a good boy I might think of letting you out." she smiled devilishly when he cursed at her. But she eyed between his legs at the zipper slowly pulling it down loving the sound. She shimmed back knowing he was getting a nice view of her breasts jumping. She grabbed the loosened fabric tugging downwards till he was free of his pants leaving him in those same boxer-briefs. "Do you always wear boxer-briefs?" she whispered feeling the hot achy feeling between her legs intensify tenfold as she stared between his legs. She slipped her fingertips under the elastic proceeding to pull them down till finally his cock sprung free of its prison. She threw his underwear over her shoulder not looking away as she stared at his glorious erection.

"No." he jumped when she put her hands high on his thighs, and began massaging the muscles there her eyes never leaving his cock. It was very erect for her. She knew that John hadn't been with a woman in a while, so she had to take her time with this or it wouldn't last very long. She wanted to make sure he had a general understanding that even though he said just tonight she was betting for more. "Will you look up?" he sighed and she finally pulled her gaze away from him. His eyes were dark with desire. "Please uncuff me Joss so I can be inside you." She shook her head not sure when or if she would ever get the chance to be with John again, and she was going to experience everything. She brushed him with her fingers loving the way he tensed. She leaned over him brushing her lips against his own then followed a straight path downwards dipping her tongue for only a moment into his navel all the while listening to the soft cling of metal against wood. "Joss don't…" knowing full well what she intended.

She answered him with wrapping one of her hands around his throbbing cock. He jackknifed in bed his body jerking, and he moaned harshly. She watched him through her lashes as she stroked him lightly with her fist starting at the tip going down to the base just to go back up again. His body fell back to the mattress, and she looked up into his face seeing the pleasure in his eyes. He was so hot, so hard, and rigid but yet smooth at the same time. Such contradictions but just touching him wasn't enough. She licked her lips haven't having done this in a while, but wanting too with him. She wasn't sure if cock teasing him was a good idea or not, but right about now it didn't matter. He would get even with her she knew later, but she wanted him to feel. She wanted him to lose that precious hold on his control.

Joss eyed him before leaning down to his throbbing shaft darting her tongue out gliding it against the tip of his cock, and listening to the guttural groan of her name that sounded ripped from his throat. She traced the slit as she rested a hand against his stomach while the other held him steady for her. She pulled back, and gave his tip a sweet little kiss before leaning down to rub the underside of his penis with her tongue. His hips twisted a little silently begging for more while his words begged for her to let him go.

"Is there something you want John?" she asked grinning from her seat between his legs her mouth inches from his straining cock. She opened her mouth wide as she engulfed as much of his thick, and long cock as she could using her hand for the little she couldn't. Joss's mouth moved upwards, and her hand followed she flicked his tip with her tongue just before she descended back down his length. John's groans were music to her ears as she continued licking, and stroking him. She paused dragging in ragged breaths taking a moment to rub her tongue against his tip loving the salty taste of fluid gathered there knowing he was growing close.

"Stop please Joss." his tone was curt, clipped, his body was tense, and his cock twitched against her cheek as she took a moment to gather some air. She closed hers shaking her head no, and kissed his pelvic bone before taking just the tip of him back into her mouth. Her eyes were on his as he stared down at her. His breathing was coming out ragged through his nostrils his blue eyes were dark blue orbs as his desire increased. She sucked gently at first watching his head fling back letting out a loud groan of her name as if pleading with her. She sucked harder as she took more of him in her mouth his hips bucking up asking for more. She heard him yanking hard at the cuffs. "Off! Get these fucking things off NOW." he growled.

She sat back her eyes widening as his body strained as he pulled his hands away from the headboard. The muscles in his arms were bulging, and she could see bruises already forming on his wrists. He was going to hurt himself if he didn't get out of them. She grabbed the key, and reached up stopping for a moment when he caught a breast into his mouth. His mouth wasn't gentle his teeth grasped her nipple between his two front teeth and his front four lower biting on it, then blowing his hot breath against it to soothe her. She put a hand into his hair. He pushed back. She remembered what she was supposed to be doing, and reached up uncuffing him.

She was flat on her back in mere seconds his hands roaming her body stroking caressing every inch of her body. She felt his hands at her panties tugging them down without reservation. John kissed her as he slipped one, then a second finger into her. Her hands collided with his shoulders as his tongue slipped between her open lips. She moaned pushing out of the kiss as her body arched off the bed as his thumb began gently rubbing her clitoris as he plunged his fingers in, and out of her mimicking what he was soon going to do with his cock. She felt like a coil spring inside her was tightening with each thrust of his fingers inside her. His gentle rubbing at her clit became a bit rougher, and her legs spread wide apart feeling like she was going to explode any second.

"I can't wait." he shuddered, and she loved it. He stopped touching her for only a minute and she missed his touch, but she was happy she had gotten him to let go. Not totally but he wasn't so in control anymore which she was reaping the rewards from. He tore into the foil packet rolling the condom on nudging her legs wide apart positioning himself. Her eyes rolled into the back of her head when she felt his hard tip at her wet entrance. She grasped at his shoulders needing him inside her now.

"John." she moaned as her head thrashed a bit on the pillow when he began rubbing himself at her entrance teasing her. She felt his breath against her ear.

"Joss I am going to fuck you so hard you see stars." he whispered in her ear, and then suddenly he rammed himself into her fully. She let out a startled cry as her body squirmed to get away from the sudden fullness. She was on the threshold between pleasure and pain. He was big, and he stretched her wide but he wasn't moving as if allowing her time to adjust to him. She opened her eyes when it became not enough to merely be joined with him. She couldn't think of anything to say that sounded sexy, but it didn't matter because he was slowly pulling out to plunge back into her hard.

All John saw was her, all he could feel was Joss. His eyes watched her own impassioned face as she twisted the bed sheet beneath her into her fists as he began riding her. He wasn't gentle he couldn't be the swirling emotions in him was taking over. All he knew was he needed this more then anything before. He ran his hand across her dark body loving the contrast between his skin to hers. John continued ramming into her mercilessly knowing she loved it by her moans, and the way her body tightened growing closer to the edge of the abyss they both wanted to jump over. His hands slid down cupping her ass lifting gently changing the angle ever so slightly, but enough to hit deeper then before. Her nails clawed at his back harshly as she cried his name out. He leaned his head against her chest as he concentrated hard on thrusting his penis in and out of her as hard, and as fast as he could go. She was so damn slick, so hot, so perfect he couldn't get enough of her. John felt her body shudder under his hands, and he felt her inner walls begin to clamp onto his straining cock. He listened to the loud cry of his name as her body stiffened under his not knowing how much longer he could hold off his own orgasm.

John was right she was seeing stars as her entire body felt like it was on fire. Her sex was tingling, and quivering as each spasm of her orgasm filled her. She heard John's moans felt him growing closer to his own orgasm. But he leaned back grabbing her hips with his hands lifting her slightly so only her back laid on the bed, and her hips were fully off driving into over and over again. His thrusts sent her body soaring again as the tension that had just eased tightened up as she dug her heels into the mattress using any sort of leverage to push him into her as deep as possible. She sobbed his name when his hands let go of her hips one splayed across her lower back his fingers resting near her butt holding her up, and his other hand slipped between her legs to rub her swollen clitoris.

"JOHN!" she felt like her body turned inside out as her entire body convulsed against his as her second orgasm in a matter of minutes ripped through her. Her body felt suspended in air as the pleasure stormed her center flowing from her sex to her toes then all the way up to the roots of her hair. Every inch of her body felt alive, and hot. When the last tremor faded was when she heard his harsh groans of her name the bucking of his hips letting her know he was on the brink of his own orgasm. She clenched her inner muscles hard feeling his hands digging into her sweat slicked hips. John stiffened as he slammed his cock into her one last ferocious time sending him right over the edge his orgasm crashing into him. She watched the way his orgasm overtook him her name was a loud shout, his mouth slack, and his body taut. When it was finally over his eyes opened a bit and he slumped against her as they both struggled to breathe. She welcomed his weight wrapping her legs, and arms around him not ready to let him go yet.

"J-Joss." he stuttered dragging in gulps of air.

"Shhhhhh not now." she whispered not ready to allow him to regret tonight. She just wanted to lay with him and never let him go.

* * *

Author's note: So I hope you enjoyed this chapter as this is my first real attempt at publishing any sort of smut. Which I hope wasn't too bad! If you enjoyed this story I am working on a sequel that goes along with this one that will have more angst, more smut(unless of course my smut writing skills are nonexistent which I am relying on you guys to let me know if I should just cease and desist or continue trying), and mystery to the next story it won't just be a smutterrific filled story!

So anyways thanks for reading, and all the wonderful reviews and everything you guys really do rock!


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